Chapter 5 :The Crux

Yahyaaa.. No you just can't do this to me. No you just cant marry me like that. Roshanara had a jolt in her sleep and she woke up. She was in her secret room. Her Ghurfat-ul-ishq. She took some time to figure out the timeline. She is married. They had a small reception. She was sad. Yahya was talking and she came to her room. She was tired and she slept. Yes ,that was it. She hold her head as it was aching as if her head was beaten with a blunt weapon. Her head was heavy as she was keeping on crying before she dozed off. As she gained consciousness she looked around. Yahya was there in her room. He looked at her with concern.

Roshanara had questions to ask! alot of questions! She was always like that. Always! A fearless lady she was and used to speak on face. She wondered how he figured out her secret room. An unbearable pain passed through her heart. All these of her possessions, her world is been shared. Her sacred place is been vandalized she felt! She cursed her existence in mind. She cursed the institution of marriage. She hated everything. But she didn't make a noise out of it. She wanted to speak calmly and figure out what is happening with her life!!

Yahya looked at her from a distance. She didn't mind looking at him and then Yahya cleared his throat to grab her attention and said: "My life has become a living hell. I never expected it to turn like this. I never wanted to marry! what about my dreams , my career, what about my identity?? why this is happening to me??"

Roshanara had a shock of her life. she touched her throat to make sure that its not her talking but he himself. She was shocked because that was the exact questions running through her mind at that moment!!!

Yahya was looking at her from a distance with folded hands.

She looked at him in disbelief and finally she asked: "Excuse me, why did you say that?"

Yahya : Me?? That's what you are saying in your mind. I was just voicing it out for you!

Roshan : How do you know that?? she stood up from the bed and walk to him, to the window.

Yahya: I know that is what you have been thinking . I figured it out just like I figured out your this abode of love.!

Just don't say that Yahya. I just don't want to hear you saying that. its mine. She warned.

 

Ok I am not saying anything about that. He continued:"Let me ask you something Roshanara, Haven't you been wondering why things aren't normal in your life? Why you can't be like every other girl? why things are complicated for you??"

Roshanara looked at him surprised and said :"Yes I have thought about it a lot. But how do you know that? Faizaan told you??"

Yahya : Faizan?? How can Faizan tell me about that?

Roshanara : Amaal and Hafiza might have told this to him?

Yahya: Are you sure? Are you sure that you have shared this deepest of the insecurity with them??

Roshanara didn't say anything. It was like Yahya is seeing through her soul. 

She then took a deep breath and continued : "I used to feel suffocated  when I can't be normal. I started hating myself, this world, its system, I started hating my thoughts, I was afraid that I will become the slave...

Yahya filled  it : that you will become the slave of your thoughts.!! 

and he took a deep breath.

Silence filled in their room.

Roshan become quite. She was surprised, confused and worried.

She was thinking, was he stalking me? Even if he was stalking how can he know the thoughts of me? especially when I haven't even kept a diary?

This is ridiculous and creepy. What is happening????

Yahya broke the silence. "Would you give your brain some rest Roshanara? he asked.

Roshanara was done getting surprised. She raised her eyebrows.

he continued: "I know what you have been through. When every single time a proposal comes to you, you had been going through hell!"

Roshanara continued : Yes! For the judgement they pass over my looks, for me not wanting to be decked up like a commodity in the market, for my determination to build an identity was mistaken as my arrogance. The nights I spend crying...I have ...

Yahya : endured a lot of pain....!! Yes you have endured a lot. I know it!

Haven't you ever wondered, why did you imagine a man that gonna back you up for what you want to become?? Especially in a society like this, imagining and waiting for such unreal things to happen? haven't you ever wondered from where did you get that kind of idea of husband??

Roshanara : I don't know from where I have got that idea. But I had decided that if am not gonna get someone like that I am not gonna marry. But this one particular day shattered everything! 

Yahya : What if you have had met someone like that before! Long ago, Long long ago, that you  forgot about the meeting ! but the memory of the person or idea of that husband remained??

Roshanara : What are you trying to say??

Yahya : To say that we have met before!

Roshanara : What non-sense are you talking??? I am seeing you for the first time in my life.

Yahya : Yes! you are seeing me first time here in this world. But we had met before. Not here. The thought you are having as you see in your ideal man was my memory. That was me! A man like that existed for you. That was me! Your thoughts are mine. My thoughts are yours. We had been living together for ,like many years. The imaginations, the dreams you have for your married life. They aren't your dreams . They had happened before. we were living that life. It wasn't your imaginations. It was the exact way we both had been living.

Roshanara stood there shocked: Which life are you talking Yahya? Are you hallucinating??

Yahya looked straight to her eyes and said : No,I am not! I knew you and you knew me. We are connected!

You might be believing in alam-e-araf right?? he asked.

Roshanara : Yes, we Muslims should believe that!

Yahya: So you must be knowing that the souls of the people who are to be born on earth was called upon by Allah to that vast field to bear witness of Allah and his prophet. Right?

Roshanara : Yes I know that, which is why we here in this earth says we bear witness for it even if we haven't seen them.

Yahya: So you know that. Then you must be knowing this also? You were not alone there? You had a husband, people where in pairs??

Roshanara understood where this conversation is heading to.

She began weeping slowly. She, with a shivering hand touched Yahya. she wanted to make sure that she wasn't dreaming!

Roshanara with broken words, as she was sobbing, asked him : So you are saying me that you came for me from Alam-e-araf? like we are not separated here in earth also??

How do you know that?? Then why am I not remembering anything and how come you remember everything??

Yahya hold her hand and took her to the window. He looked up high at the sky to the full moon and smiled.

He continued : I never knew. But obviously I had always felt an emptiness in my life. I was unsatisfied with every matches coming in my way. I was sad. I wept through the nights just like you. I was searching for something which I didn't even know. Then I traveled towards east to Madina. I met an elderly man there.  He was the one who enlightened me about alam-e-araf. Of course we all know about it. We all are connected to each other before we are born on this earth. He told: "What if somebody is out there like you who is unsatisfied and frustrated and is going through the same pain as you are going?? What if she is also searching for that broken piece of puzzle? People once born on earth tends to forget what had happened in alam-e-araf. That is human nature. That is why we don't remember seeing Allah and his prophets. But some people do have that feeling for the other world which they cannot describe in words. They are always restless with their thoughts and is never satisfied with this world order. They wish to remain in their thoughts.

He was right ! Yahya continued....

You believed that you are slowly becoming the slave of your thoughts right? you were afraid that your thoughts were the source of your problems, Isn't it? In reality you weren't becoming the slave but in fact you were exactly following the cues your soul was giving to you. you were one rarest of the rare soul who was in search of the purpose of life and its meaning. you were the rarest of the soul waiting for your other half even in this earth.

Roshanara looked at him and asked : Then how do you know it was me??? 

Yahya continued : It was he who asked me to be in this years Game of farashat. He said here I will find the answers for my queries. You knew what impression you have send out to this world about you right?? your thoughts weren't new to me though. May be for the people it were. But for me it was never, because those thoughts you were having was mine. I have the exact same vision about life and I met you . I saw you from a distance and realized it just like that!

Roshanara had pearls in her eyes and she continued asking him like a curious child. Then why everyone else is not getting their soul partners in this earth ?Why everyone is suffering??

Yahya hold on her shoulder and brought her close to him and looking at the moon he continued: Not everyone Roshan. Few people like us do find each other. Because either you or me or both of us might have asked to Allah to make us join in earth as well as in Jannah when Allah asked us to wish something before going to earth.  Some of us figure it out in the earthly life, while others may have met the soul mate in this earth itself without realizing that they are one and they might finish their worldly duties and leave to paradise only to know that the one who was living right with them was their soul partner. They were so much involved in the worldly affairs that they ignored the cues of the soul!

While some of us will never ever get the soul mates in the earth either because they have never asked for it to Allah, or they might have asked only for the worldly life and its prosperity. So they will never meet their soul mate here, but will meet someone else just to complete this worldly life and would lead a normal life but will have all the worldly problems just like every other person. If lord forgives , they will meet their soul half in the Alam-e -Araf again. but not here. Lucky are the ones who will be able to find the other half here as well as in other world again. I am lucky as I found you. Alhumdullilah !he stopped.

Roshanara smiled at him. But her questions are still in stock. She continued : If you know this much  then why did you do that drama today?

Yahya hold her both hands and with tears in his eyes  he said : I am extremely sorry for that. I had no other way. You were nourishing hatred in your heart against the institution of marriage. you were in denial. If I try to talk to you and convince it at that time , would you understand? I wont blame you. This world pushed you to that extend. You delayed yourself for me. You were humiliated , you were mocked , you were blamed for having career dreams, you had to go through the horrible process of match making! you did all this to be with me right?! But the problem was that you began to believe that the delay of Allah was his denial to you! I know! That is why you stood numb when I asked you for marriage. You began believing that this is all fate and you can't do much about it! That was why you let everything happen with others wish because you hold on and fought for longg and you were tired. 

I didn't have time to make you realize all this. At that moment my only thought was to make you mine and that was what I did. May be Allah send me to you at the rock bottom point  were you gonna break to make you realize that Allah's delay isn't denial but in it is the blessing and...

and to make me remember again that Allah will not burden a soul beyond a point it can bear..!!!.Roshanara completed it smiling...

Yahya said : You should be thankful to me for making our Nikah a sweet short affair without you wanting to decked up like a commodity as you told. 

Roshanara : Sweet Affair?? That wasn't sweet for me. She complained.

Yahya : Ok ok.. Sour for you and sweet for me. he laughed and continued :In a way I fulfilled your wish because I know that was what you always wanted and I love you for

 

for what I am.. Isn't it?!! that is what you are about to tell . I know Yahya! Roshanara smiled..

They fit perfectly. Because they were the broken pieces of puzzle.

 

Yahya, I feel like this is me talking to myself . Why is that so?? Roshanara asked. 

For which he answered : In the alam-e-araf our souls were entangled. There is no you and me. There is only us. You are in me ,I am in you. Our soul is connected .This body is just the barrier of the world. That is what that elderly man told me which is making sense now. He smiled at her with a gleaming eye.

So you are going to back me up for whatever dreams I am having?? Roshanara asked.

Yahya laughed and  said : Why not? I know what your dreams are. You need to learn more, you need to work, I want you to help in the kitchen, I want to love your parents as much you love them  and You want to look after your family because you are capable of that. All these things right?? Even if you turn lazy I will encourage you to do all of it.

Roshanara felt sad upon hearing it. She said: you will let me do everything I dreamt off! that is the way of showing your love to me I know. but I have nothing to show my love to you. She said innocently crying.

Suddenly I lack the purpose of living Yahya! 

For which Yahya said : na baba...its not like that, I encourage you to do all these things because there is nothing wrong in all these things. You were always wise enough and whatever you gonna do will liberate you. Love is freedom I am letting you roam free while being in love so that...

So that I will always come back to you! Isn't it Yahya???

Yes! Yahya said smiling. Your love is worth dying for Roshanara. I know how it will be like. Just like you had my thoughts in your head I had yours too. Its just that you forgot to show it. We will rediscover it just like how we did it in Alam-e-araf . Yahya stopped. Roshan's world was blooming again and they hugged each other under the full bright moon. They felt a strange sense of peace as they were in each others arms. And as they hugged there were two transparent souls covering both of them were also hugging each other. Yes! their souls were hugging which nobody noticed and as they looked at each other with so much of love in their eyes Allah looked at them with mercy.

The fragrance of jasmine that had bloomed just then filled their room...! Her Ghurfat-ul-ishq became their Ghurfat-Ul-ishq! Their abode of love..!!

~~~~The End